What do I always jump to help others out. I am sitting at a desk on call at my work even though I wasn’t supposed to work this weekend. Why? Because I jumped when my friend, the new guy, said he couldn’t. I volunteer before he even finished asking. I don’t want to be sitting here. I don’t want to work on a Saturday night. So why do I do this to myself?
My consular has told me multiple times to stop being so nice and willing to help. The person who is supposed to make sure I act decently in the world instructed me to be more heartless. What does that say about me?
Has anyone else ever realized the importance of music?
Throughout my life I have hit many low points, some not worth mentioning and others that helped to define me as a person. In these low points I often found myself listening to music late at night. Sometimes it was the music that convinced me that waking up tomorrow was truly worth it, other times I woke up just to listen to music again. I remember days were I felt almost emotionless until I put on music. When the music was playing I would lip sync the words, play along on air instruments, and often letting the world fade away and the music become all I knew.
Even in the waking hours, I would listen to music and let the world fade from my mind. I remember the rides with my father where he would rant about my “attitude” toward life. I would focus on the music playing on the radio and do my best to not take to heart what he was saying. Much of what he did say pushed me back to my night music.
On a complete change on notes, every time I am in a good the first thing I want to do is blast music. I want to dance, sing, and be a total idiot, all in beat with the song. Many of the songs I dance to are different from the ones I lip sync to at night, however some are the same as it carries enough power to be both. These songs both lift my soul when I am down, and carry it on high notes when I am feeling like I could take on the world.
There is so many things to keep you from what you want. I fight everyday with the thought of losing my family. Even thinks that I will most likely be the last alive always brings a tear to my eye. I know we are all mortal but I don’t think I could face the caskets that I will lower into the ground. I fear moving away from my family, yet I fear what kind of person I will become if I stay. It is the hardest decision I have ever been presented with. Leave the ones I love to become what I would love to be, or forego my loves to stay with those that love me?
Actions may speak louder than words, but words are more important. You can show someone you love them, you can break many promises through actions, you can destroy relationships through words. The most powerful movements were not started through an action, it takes a thought. A thought that ignites the fire that reshapes how people see people, how people see thier beliefs, how people see love. And a thought is no more than words arranged into an emphasized idea.
I have decided I do not age, I simply depreciate.