Does doing good things make me a good person? I know that many books have been filled with this topic but I have been struggling with this idea for a while lately. My friends are all good people who care and try to help but all their efforts to make me feel better end up making me feel like I am that much more of a non-good person.
I don’t think I am a bad person but I feel that I am no where near the good person I try to be. Perhaps I spend too much time trying to improve myself and not enough time appreciating myself.
Has anyone else ever realized the importance of music?
Throughout my life I have hit many low points, some not worth mentioning and others that helped to define me as a person. In these low points I often found myself listening to music late at night. Sometimes it was the music that convinced me that waking up tomorrow was truly worth it, other times I woke up just to listen to music again. I remember days were I felt almost emotionless until I put on music. When the music was playing I would lip sync the words, play along on air instruments, and often letting the world fade away and the music become all I knew.
Even in the waking hours, I would listen to music and let the world fade from my mind. I remember the rides with my father where he would rant about my “attitude” toward life. I would focus on the music playing on the radio and do my best to not take to heart what he was saying. Much of what he did say pushed me back to my night music.
On a complete change on notes, every time I am in a good the first thing I want to do is blast music. I want to dance, sing, and be a total idiot, all in beat with the song. Many of the songs I dance to are different from the ones I lip sync to at night, however some are the same as it carries enough power to be both. These songs both lift my soul when I am down, and carry it on high notes when I am feeling like I could take on the world.
There is hardly enough time in this life for me to waste all that I do on fake people. That is why I always make friends with weirdos and outcasts, no one pretends to be an outcast to hurt someone. And you can tell the liars from the real outcasts, one will be trying to fit in, the other will not know how to fit in in the first place.
Has anyone else ever felt like every decision they have is both the correct decision and the wrong decision?
I keep trying to look at the options laid before me but every choice seems to be the best option, and yet the worst. Every decision I make, I try to weigh it and make the best possible choice. Often I spend days on simple questions trying to look at each side of it. There is often an answer that stands out, hey you won’t lose your hand this way, wow you can go to the store and make it to class on time if you take that road, but what do you do when the situations have good outcomes the whole way around? I have been pondering this since I was presented with the decision I have to make.
My friends tell me I need to follow what I think is best. Every side I look at is better than the last, then I flip the problem over and the first side is the best option again. Some friends say it’s a libra thing. Some friends tell me I need to make a list of pros and cons until I get down to the best two options then flip a coin. Others say I need to just let life happen and it will all work out. But is that really what I should do? Take a sidelines seat to my own life decisions?
I don’t know what the outcome of my choice will be, I don’t even know what I will decide I just hope I can look back at this and smile one day.
I have a few decisions to make, some about my academic career, some about my home life, some about my personal life, but all of them will affect my future. Many people have said to me that I’m at a crossroads, that each thing I decide will put me down a different path. Without getting into a discussion about predetermination, I would like to argue against that.
What I decide to do will change my life, even if it is the wrong decision or if I decide later to go back and try a different option. The decision I make will give me the experience of traveling down that path. None of that I disagree with, however I am not at a crossroads. A crossroads is thought of as two paths meeting at a perpendicular intersection. Meaning, if I decide to take the path laid out to my left or right, then I will travel in a completely different direction then the way I was.
This is simply not true. My goals will still be the same, my hopes, my dreams, my morals, my belief systems, will all still be the same. I will not decide to stop being the good person I try to be, I will aim for the same goals, the paths I chose to take do not hinder my purpose as a person. Whether or not that purpose is predetermined.
It is unhealthy to think of the options in front of us as crossroads. No matter the path I choose, I will still be the same person. My views may change due to the experiences I get, but I am no less the person I was when I started because I decided to turn left over right.
The options laid before me are better described as a fork in the road. Some paths may take me on scenic routes where I will learn to understand things in different ways. Some paths may be covered by the same forest of uncertainty that I have been walking through. Some paths may even paved so the that I may walk to my destination with ease. Regardless of which path I choose, I will still be walking toward my end goal, I will still be walking in the same direction.