People say, “You can only see how bright the stars are because of the darkness.”
They are not totally wrong. I am currently watching a show where there is a way to forget all your pain. I talked to one of my friends about it and I decided, I wouldn’t do it. Through all the pain I’ve suffered, the injured knee, the years of depression, the loss of my friends, and even the little things, I learned who I am, who I want to be, what I value, and how to care about life.
I wouldn’t give up my darkest days for anything. Without them, I cannot see the beauty of the stars.
amicus certus in re incerta cernitur.
Ignoring is not shutting off what’s outside of you. It’s focusing on what’s inside without distraction.
I almost laughed at the thought of breathing fire, it would be dangerous and illegal for sure, but fun as hell. I became excited by the idea and decided that I would try to place the fire on my bare chest before I extinguish it. I was only in short and laying down so it should be easy. I took my hand and placed it above my chest as if to slap the fire into my heart. I lowered my hand until There was any air above or below the fire. It didn’t burn me, it was a comforting warmth on my chest. I slowly pulled my hand away and to my amusement the fire remained. I allowed it to grow until I could easily look up at it while my head relaxed on the bed.
I watch the flames dancing to an unknown tune and listened to the yelling and shouting from the window. The sun was slowly setting but it was hard to tell because of all the lights that burnt in the open windows. There was no break between dusk and dawn this time of year, for every people that lays in the hay one wakes up to continue the party. Between the drinking, games, and usually frowned upon sex, there was little time for any sleep, so the few hours of quiet the city does get you usually find yourself at the breakfast table with a crappy smile because the room is empty and the tables are dirty.
I don’t know when it happened but at some point through my criticism of celebrations I dozed off. I woke up to the bright light of a fire in my eyes. I had trouble believing that the fire stayed going after I dozed off and with no conscious thought had changed to a bluish tint while I slept. I drew my energy away from the fire until it dissipated into my chest. I had hoped to get to the guild signing early but it looked like mid day and they shut down shortly after.
Clothes seemed unimportant as I gathered my things and I almost walked into the hallway in my night shorts. Normally that would be fine, however this was not the day to let my Uncle Ulric know that I sleep without underclothes, a sin in some parts of the country. It just so happens that that part of the country is where my father and Uncle Ulric grew up.
Has anyone else ever felt like every decision they have is both the correct decision and the wrong decision?
I keep trying to look at the options laid before me but every choice seems to be the best option, and yet the worst. Every decision I make, I try to weigh it and make the best possible choice. Often I spend days on simple questions trying to look at each side of it. There is often an answer that stands out, hey you won’t lose your hand this way, wow you can go to the store and make it to class on time if you take that road, but what do you do when the situations have good outcomes the whole way around? I have been pondering this since I was presented with the decision I have to make.
My friends tell me I need to follow what I think is best. Every side I look at is better than the last, then I flip the problem over and the first side is the best option again. Some friends say it’s a libra thing. Some friends tell me I need to make a list of pros and cons until I get down to the best two options then flip a coin. Others say I need to just let life happen and it will all work out. But is that really what I should do? Take a sidelines seat to my own life decisions?
I don’t know what the outcome of my choice will be, I don’t even know what I will decide I just hope I can look back at this and smile one day.